Awareness, planning can help make for sober holidays
For people in recovery from alcoholism, holidays can be a threat to
sobriety. In fact, the pressures of forced conviviality and family
reunions can send any of us into mood swings.
Flip on the television during December and we're likely to find scene
after scene of domestic bliss: families gathered around glittering trees,
enjoying gentle conversation and a warm fire. Before Bob N., a recovering
alcoholic, stopped drinking, he measured his own experiences against that
ideal and constantly found them wanting. He remembers feeling a sense of
loss around this fact and medicating his grief with alcohol.
Today the holidays have a different flavor for Bob. Though he still
experiences tension with his family, he uses the holiday season to renew
his Twelve Step program and practice new tools for managing conflict. Two
of those tools are awareness and planning -- principles that help let go
of unrealistic expectations, acknowledge spiritual traditions, and
identify safe holiday customs. The following suggestions underlie those
principles:
Seek sober fellowship. If you're in recovery, plan to connect with an AA
sponsor or sober friend during the holidays. Also, consider starting a
new holiday tradition by throwing an alcohol-free party for friends, or
attend a special AA holiday event. At this time of year, some recovering
people find it tempting to let their program slide. It can pay to do just
the opposite by giving more attention to the Twelve Steps and attending
extra meetings.
Bring your own. You might feel awkward arriving at a party where
alcoholic drinks dominate the beverage selection. Prevent this dilemma by
bringing your own non-alcoholic drinks. It's not recommended, however, to
show up with non-alcoholic beers or wines. The drinking ritual paired
with the smell and taste of alcohol can trigger a desire to drink.
Responsible party hosts will recognize that holiday celebrations don't
have to center on alcoholic drinks and that good cheer can be achieved by
offering a range of attractive non-alcoholic beverages.
Take holidays one day at a time. Most holidays officially last only 24
hours. It helps to approach them in exactly that light. If the thought of
abstaining from alcohol or other drugs for the whole season seems
unbearable, take it one day at a time.
Reconsider family gatherings. People in early recovery might do well to
opt out of family gatherings, especially when they center on drinking.
Another option is to attend but take periodic breaks to call a sponsor or
sober friend. Also, plan to drive your own car so you can leave at any
time you choose.
Release resentments. Resentment has been described as allowing a person
you dislike to live in your head, rent-free. The people we resent tend to
dominate our thinking and feeling -- a fact that does nothing to resolve
our conflict with them. Resentments that gain steam during the holidays
can be disastrous for anyone, especially recovering people. The book
Alcoholics Anonymous refers to resentment as the No. 1 offender, the most
common factor in failed sobriety. When we notice our own resentments, we
can remind ourselves of their power and talk to someone in recovery about
coping with them.
Return the holidays to a spiritual base. Drinking and drugging derive
their power by delivering a counterfeit spirituality. Using chemicals can
create the illusion of self-transcendence and intimacy with others. We
can taste the real thing by reminding ourselves of the spiritual basis of
the holidays. Most religious traditions stress the power of unselfish
giving, and this is a spiritual practice that all of us can cherish
during the holidays.
--Published December 6, 1999
Contact:
The Legacy Group of Alcoholics Anonymous © 2005